What's in a name?
Lately I have been dreaming of beautiful men; beautiful because they have desire for me, and I for them. There is an unusual calm, yet sweep-you-off-your feet vibe in these dreams, and I cannot see their faces. The attraction feels natural and easy, and desire is a prevalent part of the experience, yet it’s not necessarily sexual. It’s more like the desire for adventure, for freedom.
In the dream I had last night, there was this strange, topsy-turvy, giant puffy umbrella-thing we were on when we had our first kiss. It felt dangerous, like we might just slide right over the edge of the universe, if we weren’t holding on. It also appeared as if we barely knew each other, that the kiss was completely mutual, and yet a surprise to us both.
Later in the dream, I had to make some decisions about what to keep and what to let go of, as I packed some bags to go somewhere for a long time. In the end I left a huge amount of stuff behind, including things from my past I had been formerly attached to, and went out the door with just a garment bag slung over my shoulder, weighing next to nothing. He was waiting for me outside in a curving hallway, and we clasped hands and went off lightly together. That sense of calm persisted as our hands swung back and forth, easy and natural. The future didn’t matter, nor the past. The only thing that mattered was the kiss that drew us together, that made us see each other for the first time.
What is kissing, after all, and why do we do it? Lips touching, spit being swapped between two mouths, tongues all up in each other’s business? Think about it too long and it can become fairly disgusting, and yet it’s the scene in the film we are all waiting for, as the story unfolds and the energy between the two characters rises.
According to some research, kissing serves a specific (and limited) purpose for those who simply want a brief, sexual encounter. At the beginning of the hook-up, kissing lets people know if they want to continue. Kissing is rated as more important by men and women who think of themselves as attractive, and is rated very highly by those who are desirous of frequent short-term sexual encounters, but only as a prelude to sex (I’ll bet this answers a lot of questions).
For people wanting long-term partnership, kissing, as a signal to keep going, is less important, however its frequency over time says a lot about whether they continue to be happy with one another as the relationship proceeds. If you like to kiss (and especially if you also like to have sex with) your partner over the long haul, and he or she feels the same way, odds are pretty high that you might have a great relationship. Couples who are growing old together may kiss most often, and their kissing is a sign of committed, long-term affection.
It also may be used as a way of analyzing overall health. Have you ever kissed a potential partner that tasted or smelled awful? Chances are, that person was on the fast track out of your life.
Women tend to value kissing more highly at the beginning of a relationship, and during the part of the their menstrual cycles when they are most apt to conceive, as kissing may help in the assessment of genetic potential for those seeking to reproduce.
So basically, kissing can help us find the right partner, for the right reasons, at the right time.
It sure felt wonderful in the dream, and it seemed just like the research appears to suggest: one kiss was all it took and we were off and strolling, into the light and easy, not a care in the world and barely any baggage along for the ride. Maybe in my next dream there won’t even be a garment bag over my left shoulder.
When I think of that, it feels young and free, and reminds me of the time in my early 20’s when I took off for Maui with nothing but a backpack and didn’t come back for a long time. When I did, though, I was packing an infant, right there in my belly. As in my dream last night, I guess that first kiss with her dad was all it took, then, too. Must have been the right partner, for the right reasons, at the right time, because that kiss led straight to her, and she’s one hell of a young woman. And it certainly did not portend a long relationship with her father, as our troubled time ended when she was less than a year old. It did help us both choose a mate to procreate with, though, so perhaps that kiss was the most valuable one I have ever had.
In my dream last night, that kiss signaled a readiness for the next thing…an enticement to adventure, lightness, and freedom.
What have your kisses led to?
I am no bird; and no net ensnares me: I am a free human being with an independent will.
A year ago I attempted to use humor to defuse a family situation that was unfolding in a destructive and painful way. It turned out to be a poor attempt, and came up suddenly and unexpectedly from somewhere deep inside of me that was, upon retrospect, filled with both the urge to make the suffering stop, and the very human, but ugly, desire to shame the perpetrator. At the time, I just did what I felt. And, it was the best I could do in that moment. But, it backfired, and probably did more harm than good in an already very sick dynamic.
This story helped me understand what happened in that moment, and helped prepare me for other opportunities that may arise in the future, places where humor, inserted skillfully, can help heal:
Bing Wright, Broken Mirror/Evening Sky, (2012).
Just this. Just beautiful.
Life: always a mirror. And so often broken.
What, you feel like a lost little child? Welcome to the human race. Welcome to my world. You know what this world has taught me? It has told me, over and over again…hey sister, you want some love? Good luck! And guess what? LOVE anyway. You want unconditional positive regard? Guess what? It’s not fucking there for you. LOVE anyway. You know why? Because one of these times, there will be someone who loves like you do, who loves anyway, who is not afraid, not pouting, not petulant or spoiled or succumbing to their FUCKING FEAR. There will be someone who just loves anyway, no matter what. And if you never find that person before you die? Well guess what? LOVE anyway. They are on the other side. They are waiting for you. They have been there for millions and billions of years, and you won’t even recognize them until you get there. That person, those persons, those creatures/entities/beings who know how to love…? Yeah, those amazing creations. They are standing right in front of you, right now, waiting to be noticed, waiting to say yes, to hear you say YES, waiting to see the look on your face when you find out, forever, that you are LOVED and ADORED beyond all measure. Take it all in stride now, sweet sister. The love is right there, just waiting for you. Say YES to LOVE. Namaste’.
Sometimes silence says much more, & better, than we do in words. Alternatively? Sing it.